The I'm going to tell tell you what is not okay with teaching and living in Korea post (you knew it had to come at some point right?)

Okay, okay okay...If you don't want to hear what I think is not okay with teaching and living in Korea avert you eyes and check back another day when I am posting cute kids and beautiful mountains. No, today is the day I let it all hang out. I will be alright, really...I just thought I would let you all in on the downside of being here.

When I started reading some of the posts on ESL Cafe I thought all the negativity spewing whiners were just puffing hot air. Well, they hit a couple of things on the nose. And truth be told it really isn't that bad here compared to the horror stories I have read from some posts but there are a few things that I am not used to and will never become used to.
One thing that I will not get used to is the disregard for my time. If you don't care about plans or teaching then you will do great teaching in Korea. If you like to actually know what is going on ever...well...think about it. Examples: -We have been waiting for cell phones and a water filter for months. -When I ask the English speaking teacher almost anything she says she is too busy. -Yesterday we thought we were both going to Samcheok (the larger town we used to live in) for a meeting about winter camp. Two minutes before departure, when we have made plans for the evening and we are psyched to see other foreigners, the English speaking teacher says, "Oh no...just Michael." Who knows? Something about them doing a teaching demo that Michael knows nothing about. Of my own accord, I decided to go home early rather than sit in the office with #2 and #3 for 3 more hours. -I am continuously introduced as Michael's girlfriend...and I am...but jeez...and not asked my opinion on pretty much anything. Men are very much in charge here. I have read that Confucianism is fading out and I think that's probably true to some extent. But definitely not in the country. Let's stop there for a breath.

In terms of respect and teaching...
I came here for several reasons and one was to see what it was like to teach kids in a foreign culture. As I have said before the kids are awesome. The program, however, leaves something to be desired. Will I have class today? Who knows? I was given an after school class but attendance is not enforced at all so I don't often have class. There is one class that I have mentioned in which I sit in a chair and sometimes the Korean teacher motions to me and tells me to "speak the sound". In two other classes that I have 3 times a week each, I go in ready for what I think we are doing but often it's not, so I have to quickly pull it together and come up with something. Example: I go to my fourth grade class. There is no Korean teacher. I ask my students where their teacher is. They don't know. So, as I do not know where the CD Rom is for the lesson is, we play Hangman and I learn their names better. That was fun...what was weird is this...at the end of class the Korean teacher comes in and says she was outside looking into the class to see how the children do with just me. Then she asks me if I did the lesson...Argh! I continuously try to plan with the fourth grade teachers (who have me run the class but often aren't on the same page)but it is very challenging. Our English speaking teacher days she wants write up of everything we are going to teach that week on Monday. I hope she is not really serious because I never know what we will be doing unit after the class.
This may sound great to just putz around...and it is sometimes...
On a very high note,I plan and teach all the first and second grades on my own and one of the third grades. They are really super fun and sweet.
The thing is, I really like teaching and would like to be more a part of things and actually teach. I am too much of a perfectionist for this. I take a lot of pride in what I do and don't like to do anything half-assed but to get by here I often feel like I can only do as well as I can without upsetting anyone or stepping on toes. My new motto is "Whatever" (Ew!) and Don't take anything personally. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier not care as much. That's a bummer. Part of this is just Korean culture and part of this is our lot at this particular school.

When the weekend rolls around it feels so good. You can just do your thing again. Maybe be a tourist. And you think to yourself, 'I will make it through this year. This is a beautiful place, everyone is so nice, and I am okay.' Korea is all those things if you are on vacation here. Not when you live and work here. Monday always rolls around and the cycle starts again. Honestly I am doing my best to go with the flow here. I am really trying to hone that valuable skill. It gets a little out of hand though. At EPIK orientation there was one teacher that had been teaching here for a while. He seemed really cool. Really just chilled out and funny. Very go with the flow. But even he confessed to just getting fed up sometimes, then having too many beers and seriously considering rolling bottles of propane down the street to express his frustration. Even to the coolest, laid back dude... it gets to you.

Of course the thing with the apartment didn't help. That was two months of begging them to let us live close to our school not over an hour to get to and 8,000 won each a day. I think the way they handled it was tough. The chain of command makes any request at any level more then you bargained for. Whether you want to move your location or you just need a new dry erase marker...well it's all up for great debate.

Lastly we found out from "Tom Cruise" that the teachers did not know about our arrival and imminent teaching positions at their school until a couple of days before we got there. The administrators had to know because they had an apartment ready for us but no one else seemed too. That's tough....

BTW:pit toilets are not as easy as you'd think especially if you have a skirt on and what is the deal with no TP in any stall! TP!!!!

Maybe they need a bathroom like this!!! The more rolls the better.


An section from my personal blog in my computer diary, a glimpse into what I am thinking...I swear I will write something more uplifting in my next blog...

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Two Haikus from a particularly hard day...

Koreans are hard
Faces like concrete setting
Faster as they stare

A curious glance
Don't bother to look away
I won't either then, Heh!

This is the unblog for now maybe it can be a blog later on. For now I need a place to vent . Today I almost lost it. I do not know if they don’t realize that I am a person, an actual adult living breathing person, but if they do I feel like they often hide it. The longer I sit around and hear my name in conversation but cannot understand anything else I fell isolated and moronic. I am on one hand dying to hear the conversations the teachers have and on the other hand I am glad I can’t hear it. It gives me the illusion that I have no responsibility. It is lonely here for sure. I wonder if it is just because they have never had teachers here before. Or if this area if full of hardened people. The people I find the kindest are often the quietest or the teachers that seem more on the fringe.

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Today was funny for a lot of reasons. I am sitting in the little gazebo outside of school. I am wondering how to make Korea feel better. I don’t want to half ass it here but I also find it hard to be myself because I am so worried consistently that I will offend a Korean. I think this is a real, legitimate concern and frankly, I am tired of feeling that way. I do not know how to act and it’s wearing me out. If I could just be myself and not worry about what impression I am about to make at every second, I will be much happier. I want to smile all day and be silly and fun. I don’t want the adults, that I don’t understand, to get in the way of that love for play.

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Well today is the big day. The school is decked out. The trophies are polished. There are flowers and projects everywhere. Quite a feat I suppose. It is 9:30 and I do not know if I have class thirty minutes from now. So at 10 am I will wander upstairs to the classroom, stick my head in, and say “English class today?” with a goofy grin on my face. Such is this day and everyday here is the wacky world of Korea.
I am not sure why they do not think it is of any consequence if I know if I have class or not. It irritates me to no end. Here’s why…I get it in my head that I either have class or not and plan for that. I am good with changes here and there I realize but it seems to have a limit. It only reaches so far and at school I think my flexibility points get used up fairly quick. It is hard not to feel like people just don’t respect your existence at all. As I have mentioned before I would like to find a way to exist in Korea productively and as happily as I can. Is this possible to attain here in this place that seems like the opposite of most things I believe in.

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Don't get me wrong either...we are housed...we have food...we are in good health...we have each other...we have friends...we are truly fortunate...
I still miss America...and our family and friends.

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We and up watching a lot of TV. It really is quite an opiate. We are currently too into the Office and various other televisional diversions. Sometimes it's all ya want to so at the end of the day.

Oh yeah...it's really, really, really, cold. The wind howls and whips through our shoddy windows and door. I really want to build a fire in the bedroom right now!!!!! Send hugs!!!!!!!!

Dreaming of Thailand...